The Tyranny of Perfectionism

I always had high standards for myself.

From a young age, whether it was academically, musically, athletically, or otherwise, I had a drive to do my very best, to excel.

I was a high-achieving student, talented on the piano, a natural on the playground, and more.

Relatives, teachers, and family friends, among others, were quick to compliment my parents on their son.

“Such a smart boy, and so sweet too! You guys should be very proud.”

“He has excellent technique and the ‘musical ear’ — he’ll go far.”

“Prahlad is great on the pitch, we are lucky to have him on the team.”

And so forth.

I’m very grateful for my talents and the recognition that accompanies them. Not everyone is so lucky.

Yet simultaneously, looking back, I wonder if repeated successes and praise at a young age created some unexpected weaknesses in my psyche.

I remember when I would feel a simple and healthy sense of accomplishment after any milestone in life (a final exam, piano recital, big game, etc.). The approval of others was more a bonus than a necessity.

Over time, though, my identity became tied to success to an unhealthy degree. I felt like I had to live up to something, and my standards for myself became harsh, even crippling.

Perfectionism — “a broad personality style characterized by a person’s concern with striving for flawlessness and perfection; it is accompanied by critical self-evaluations and concerns regarding others’ evaluations.”

In high school, sometimes, I would procrastinate for hours on straightforward assignments because I couldn’t bear the thought of just getting something done — it had to be done as well as it could!

On the basketball court, I would constantly push myself to be better. While I think a growth mindset is generally good, I could be overly critical of myself to the point where I lost my love for playing.

Over the past few months or so, I’ve begun to let go of the perfectionist streak in me.

In my view, letting go of perfectionism is not the same as giving up on the pursuit of excellence; it’s about recognizing when your exactingly high standards no longer serve you, and choosing to do something rather than fixate on an unattainable ideal.

To begin with, I had to admit to myself that I was in my own way. And that those precious standards had their place but weren’t everything.

Even sitting down and writing this post was nearly derailed on so many occasions by the fear that it wouldn’t be “just right.”

When your standards are coming from a place that’s fearing failure and seeking validation, you know they’re no longer useful. Getting over yourself includes being okay with not being perfect, and putting yourself out there as you are.

Instead of striving for perfection, seek to let go of comparison, and embrace your authenticity.

You are imperfect. Welcome to being human.